It was a warm Sunday April morning. The Fan was still whizzing tiredly above Sanjay’s Head, tired from its night long ordeal. The Birds had long since left their nests for their share of food. Eyes opened, Sanjay kept staring into space for a long time, trying to recollect what he had been dreaming about the night before. Or was it today morning? ‘’It’s always so tough with dreams! It must have been about the cat.” he hastily decided. He seemed to have that dream often. Thousands and thousands of cats blocking his way, refusing to let him go until he apologised why he had knocked down one of them on the road once. Stupid!
He pulled himself up but had to spend another five minutes searching for the damn slippers. The Bai
must have come by now. She’s never late, that woman. The clanging of the utensils as if echoed his very thoughts. It took Sanjay another half an hour to freshen up, to suit the world outside the privacy of his one room apartment. He never cared about breakfast much, though the Bai (arranged by one of his own relatives uptown) took all care to feed him as deemed fit for a growing man his age. He saw a sinister hand of his mother in this sometimes.
It had been a month since he had got a Sunday off. But Sanjay felt no different. In fact he had already begun to adjust to the ‘7 days a week’ demands of his new job. Today seemed a bit odd actually. He tried surfing the news channels but they seemed concerned only with last night’s match which he hadn’t even bothered to watch. He even tried calling one or two of his college friends, but they seemed to be asleep still. It’s hard to let go of certain habits- Sanjay smiled to himself.
Finally, he decided on filling up the diary. The Diary he had started writing since the 2nd year of college. Though not a regular logger, Sanjay liked to make an entry here and there. He liked going back to dates and looking up past events. Anyway last month had been eventful, with a business trip to Hong Kong and a subsequent holiday in South East Asia. He needed to get that down; perhaps with some pictures he had clicked. Another Fifteen minute search later, the diary was finally recovered from the remains of his college rubble.
“Now where the hell did my pen go?” Sanjay muttered to himself. As it so happens, it had rolled down to some oblique corner underneath his study. He kept the diary on the mahogany stool nearby and had to go down on all fours to extricate the stupid pen. And on his way out, he knocked down the stool. And his Diary.
Exasperation got the better of his bored mind “Damn it! Forget the Diary. I’ll write someday later.” He bent down to pick it up and stash it somewhere else. But there, just near the tiny crack in the Left Cover Jacket of said Diary, was a Dry Rose. Complete with its leaves and thorns. Just lying there on the cold concrete of Sanjay’s Apartment 201.
It took Sanjay a second to realise that it must have fell off the Diary of his. But the sight of the shrivelled rose sent his mind off into a sojourn. 4 years back into time. Into a similar warm Sunday April mid-morning at his college.
November: 4 Years Ago
It had been almost a month since Sanjay had been thinking of Neha. The Girl puzzled him. Common for a teenage boy his age, Sanjay had set foot on the college with a mind to win and tame the most beautiful and the most gorgeous. He had even succeeded on many counts. Girls just seemed to get jelly legs front of him. For a whole year, he went about undefeated in his conquest for ‘whatever synonym he attached to’ love.
Then Neha happened. It was not something the movies patronized, not something one would call love in first sight. He had had regular encounters with her all throughout his first year at college, going on to become good friends later. “I just woke up one day realizing I liked her” was how he would describe it to others. Words failed him beyond that point. What Sanjay knew was that she was just like any other girl; good looking perhaps (though a longer face would have done no harm), smart, witty, always giggling and gurgling among the group of her friends. Perhaps it was something in those eyes of hers. He had never seen such inviting mocking eyes before. Not even in the heydays of his conquests!
It was different with Neha. More the water that passed under the bridge, more became Sanjay’s predicament. He could never place the reason that drew him towards her. Months were spent contemplating (and debating) both alone, and among the “enlightened” souls of his Hostel.
April: 5 Months Later
Spring had arrived rather late on campus that year. But when it did, nature became a treat to watch. With exams over, like the euphoria that engulfed the whole college, the pine trees too began to flower in happiness. Couples would huddle together underneath the deodars near the Club. Freshmen played cricket by the lake that had just quenched its winter thirst, their field sprouting new grass by the day. Professors would take their families to picnics by the fall gardens uphill the road that passed by the campus.
Sanjay’s mind was however, on a tumultuous state now. All through the winter, however much he tried to avoid, thoughts of Neha would come disturb his sleep, and those stern cats that would not allow him to cross the road! Something had to be done. He had spent nights thinking of her. It was time for the confrontation. Of Love.
That following Sunday, Sanjay made it to Neha’s Hostel, fully determined that he wanted an answer from her. He tipped the pan chewing security guy to go and call Neha from her room on the 3rd Floor. Those 2 minutes were the longest moments in Sanjay’s Life.
Neha arrived, dressed in her usual kurti and jeans. Her hair was set back in a bun and she was wearing her specs. Must have been studying- Sanjay thought. All right- I need to make this quick and get it done with. “Sanjay you said you need to see me?” She queried. “Yeah, I’ve been thinking some stuff lately. Guess I need to talk to you about it.”
“I’ve got a favour to ask from you too...”
“Why don’t you go first?” His attempts at chivalry in inopportune moments always surprised him later.
“I need you to pass something on to Rajiv. Would you do it for me?
“I guess so”
Neha produced a White Envelope. As Sanjay took it, he saw it had curled around the edges and the colour seemed to have started yellowing.
He already started dreading about its contents.
“And what was it that you wanted to see me about?”
“Um..Our Lab assessments begin next Tuesday. I thought perhaps if you would like to share your notes with me?
“Sure! I’ll just go fetch them!”
With Neha’s Purple Notebooks and White Envelope in his possession, Sanjay made his way back to his room. He began to dread every moment of that short encounter. The moment he reached the confines, he meticulously slit open the envelope and upturned it-hoping against hope that the contents were not what he thought they were. He had already felt the rose inside the moment Neha had handed him the envelope.
It did fall out;.. along with a short slip of paper.
Sanjay stared into the dead dry rose lying on the floor of his room for a long time. He did finally notice the short note Neha had addressed to Rajiv. Apparently, her family was moving away from the country the following autumn. And apparently, Rajiv had gifted Neha with this Rose a year ago, professing his love. She was returning it now as she saw no point in carrying on with the relationship anymore.
Neha’s Bluntness surprised Sanjay. But what was even more surprising was that she had cared to preserve that rose for one whole year before returning it. He couldn’t help feeling sorry for the guy. He put back the note on the envelope and promptly slid it underneath Rajiv’s Door, wondering how he would react to the whole incident. But he did not throw away the Rose. Something about the absurdity of it all; using a yearlong dead flower to end a bond stirred a deeper understanding inside of him. He put the flower between the 31st March and 1st April pages of his new diary...
April: Present
The loud honking of the Safari roused Sanjay from his descent into the past. He went out to the balcony, realizing it was the Office Cab downstairs.
“Boss wants you on your table in 20 minutes! Something urgent has come up!” The Driver yelled.
So, it’s time for funeralizing another Sunday. “I’ll be there in 10!” He yelled back.
A Long day at work later, Sanjay went to sleep. But he didn’t dream of any rude cats that day. He dreamt nostalgia, he dreamt sweetness, he dreamt of Neha and her home far far away...
-Palash
April 2011
